I might be weaker now, but I'm stronger too

Me and Jamie were having a trip down memory lane last night in bed, or rather I was, and he was listening.

I was remembering back to a time where I attacked everything head on - where nothing ever scared me, I was hardly ever ill, and when I was I just ignored it where possible, and just 'got better as fast as possible' where not. I went through some pretty heavy stuff, both emotionally & physically, and I never let it alter my stride.

It all sounds nuts looking back, and it's not something I particularly want to share online [one to save for the novel maybe ;)], but, for example, 1 day after a major medical incidence I was boarding a plane to Germany at 8am heading for an intense & draining week of work at our European HQ, just ignoring the pain I was in and what I'd just been through. Looking back I'm amazed at how strong I was - I couldn't imagine doing it now.

But also, when talking it through last night, I realised I was also terribly weak at that time - I thought what I was doing was normal, and that what my boyfriend was putting me through, how he was treating me & how he was reacting to the situation was all ok, when in reality it was shocking. It makes Jamie so angry, and me so confused - I felt strong because I just got on with it, but I was weak - whilst it wasn't that I knew it was all wrong & didn't do anything to stop it, it was because I didn't even see how wrong it was.

Now, today, is different. I wouldn't have the strength to deal with things so stoically as I used to, yet I wouldn't be so weak as to think that I had to.

Maybe some good has come of all the crap after all... ??